I had state meet yesterday...

Beam- 8.950- Same mean judge, better routine (4th place)
Floor- 9.325- (tied with two teammates for 6th place)
Vault- 9.0- (12th or something)
Bars- 8.10- Really bad routine, cost me placing all around...
All around- 35.375

3rd place team

So i met my goal for the entire season of a 35 all around. The competition was tough, so i placed pretty well. All in all i'm happy with closing the season on a good meet, my best meet this year.

I plan on taking days off of practice for the next week or two to kind of wind down before working on the next level.

I hate 3rd mark period. I always blow it, because i'm really sick of school at this time of year...
Oh well .

Date:	2006-02-27 18:48
Subject:	Harley
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

I had a meet last night.
I was in a much larger age group, actually giving me competition this time...
Vault - 9.15 (1st place)
Bars - 7.55 (Missed requirement, one fall)
Beam - 8.625 (5th place, Good routine, tough judge)
Floor - 9.0 (4th place, i'm happy with that)
First place team!
All in all a decent meet except for bars.

School has finally slowed down. This is the first night in so long that i've just sat here. It feels kinda good.
Mardi Gras is tomorrow at school which means there'll be excitement in the air, making it almost useless to go.

I can't wait for warm weather.

Date:	2006-02-20 10:50
Subject:	St. Louis
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	Bob Marley- Don't Worry, Be Happy

Hey it's President's Day which means...NO SCHOOL.

I got back from Missouri on Saturday night. I was supposed to stay one more night but I decided to come home early.

The meet was on Friday. I did better than Indiana, but still had mistakes that need to be taken care of.

Floor- 8.950 (Low tumbling)
Vault- 8.950 (About average)
Bars- 8.450 (Not bad at all for the routine i did)
Beam- 8.450 (No connection in my series, so my Start Value was a 9.5)
All Around - 34.75

I guess the best part of this meet was that i maintained a positive attitude and didn't let myself get too nervous. My goal this year was to get at least a 35 all around. I have two more meets to attain that.


It was a fun trip. Glad to be home, though.



School tomorrow? What is this school you speak of?

I had my first meet of the season over the past weekend. I competed early saturday morning.

Vault- 9.075
Bars- 8.050 (2nd)
Beam- 8.325 ( Would've been a 9.3 if i would've stayed on! )
Floor- 8.850 (1st)
All Around- 34.3ish (2nd)

All in all it was a good meet.
The rest of the team rocked. All levels, all age groups.

My next meet is the weekend of February 4th and 5th at the Kalahari.
Wish me luck!


Still have exams tomorrow and Tuesday.

I am busy on Friday :)

Date:	2005-12-28 10:01
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed
Music:	Senses Fail

It's like being in the 5th grade all over again, but this time i have to be mature about it.
As much as i'd like to scream, i have to smile and pretend it doesnt effect me.
I try to tell myself I can at least learn from this. But really I just search for temporary solutions to a problem that keeps on giving.
I'll wait it out.


"Her lie reflected my lie. I couldn't cry. So once again, I couldn't sleep."
--Fight Club

Date:	2005-11-20 21:53
Subject:	Its November 20th
Security:	Public
Mood:	creative
Music:	The Beatles

Abby's comment on the trust activity made me feel better. I don't know how I feel about it now, but I do know that I would've run slow with my hands in front of me on any other day. I just gave humans a chance.
Working is no fun. I gotta do it for the rest of me life, though. I hope I get another job shortly before I lose my sanity. I hope I am doing something else before I actually snap back at the 40-year-old suburban white trash that snaps at me for shit that isn't my fault.
That's right, the cashiers will revolt.
We won't actually, in fear of losing 6.45 an hour in a horrible blue maternity smock. But it just might be worth the satisfaction I'd gain.
In other news, the cold time will is starting. I know that four months from now I'll be in a depression, caused by the lack of sun. I'm not making this up.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I'm boring your eyes off. I'll go now.

I wanna see Harry Potter. From the way RaeAnn described it, it sounded hilarious. But she could make anything hysterical.

That's all for now.

Date:	2005-11-08 16:49
Subject:	Tofuckingday
Security:	Public
Mood:	morose

We played a trust game in gym class.The entire class stood with their arms out in front of them, facing each other.It created a path through the middle of them, which looked intimidating with their arms out. Each person had to run through the class full speed, and had to trust that everyone would put their arms down to avoid being hit. It teaches you to trust that no one will let you get hurt.
I was up... I ran full speed, and everyone's arms went down as i ran past...until about halfway through, when i got hit in the face and the chest. Yeah it hurt, but the worst part by far was thinking about how i'd made the mistake of trusting them. I've learned the opposite of what this activity was supposed to teach me. I've learned that you can't trust humans, they will always let you down. At least i learned something.

I fear that the fat man will take creative writing away from me because he thinks illogically. I having way more expected of me. If i would've been a fuck up from the start, life would've been easier. People would then expect and settle for less. And when i'd do an average job, i would be praised. I think i expect plenty of myself, but all that will ever matter in my life is the judgement of others.

Date:	2005-08-17 23:39
Subject:	Lately
Security:	Public
Mood:	jealous

Gym's been going way better. I hope it stays that way for a long while. I also hope I get switched into that other group. I hope i've earned it.

I've come to face reality and that the voices I respect are so right. An addiction to a human is almost as dangerous as one to anything else. It's almost as hard to break, at least.

I guess I should be getting ready to go back to school soon. It's gonna be alright, I think. Halfway done with high school. I'm almost there.

Today I decided that Jess is the sweetest girl ever. She was really nice to me about something, and she was willing to sacrifice something for me. It's not neccessary, so I didn't let her. But she is nonetheless very kind-hearted and genuinely nice.

That's all. I'm tired.

Date:	2005-08-11 11:40
Subject:	Whats been up....
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful
Music:	AFI- Death of Seasons

So I'm probably gonna work at pick n save. Finally gettin a job. I'll have almost no free time, now. But I guess that's just how it goes.
I'm excited to at least be making money, i need some.

I'm going to Reel Big Fish with Katie tomorrow. That should be fun, cause I haven't seen her in a while and they're a cool band.

Gymnastics is going well, I mean as well as it will go for me. I'm gonna try to get moved into my old group for the fall. And although it makes me nervous, I think i've earned it. So I guess i'll try again.

My summer is coming to and end, and I'm ok with that.
It was alright, but i'm ready to get another year over with.

I guess that's all for now.

Date:	2005-07-11 20:15
Subject:	today, what else
Security:	Public
Mood:	nauseated
Music:	Relient K

oklahoma was cool. i shot an emu. i skinned it. i fileted it. i ate a little of it, it made me a little sick.
best experience ever.

i cried when i left. and laughed at the same time about crying.

"the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair"

that line keeps echoing through my head...it's a sort of hope maybe, that karma and grace will collide...and grace will win their little collision ;).

Date:	2005-07-06 23:39
Subject:	bed sick
Security:	Public
Mood:	optimistic
Music:	Weezer- Island in the Sun

When I say "bed sick", I just mean i'm a mild form of homesick. I miss my bed. But no, I didn't mean I was sick in bed or anything like that.

I come home from Oklahoma in two days. (I leave on Friday and should be arriving home on Saturday afternoonish.) It's been ok so far,I got to hang out with some cool kids and some trouble makers. All things considered, I'm having a decent time.

My mom and I comprimised, and next year we'll go to Oklahoma later, in order to catch Summerfest. :)
That makes me a happy panda.

I guess that's all I have to say, all my inside jokes are with people that don't have the internet and that's for the better.

Well. Be home soon. Don't miss me too much. ;)

Date:	2005-06-29 16:36
Subject:	It's been one year
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	Gorillaz- Feel Good Inc.

I can't believe a whole year has gone by since i started this journal.
It goes by faster as we get older.

I leave tomorrow for Oklahoma. I hope it'll be fun. I'll be there for about a week...depending on when i feel like coming home.

Summer gets better each year, too. More freedom as i get older...but that, too will get old.

Anyway i have to finish packing now. One whole year. I don't know if i say that with longing or accomplishment.

Date:	2005-06-02 10:04
Subject:	The dream
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious
Music:	Alkaline Trio- Trucks and Trains

I had quite the dream last night. Rarely do i wake up and jump out of bed with a whole new outlook on things.
I feel confused, but i know that it's right there. My thoughts are clear right behind this screen. All i have to do is tear through it.

I don't know where I'm going from here, but i know it's not where i was headed yesterday.

It really put a lot of things into perspective, and i dont think in any way that it was a coincidence.
There's no way i had a realistic dream (which is very rare for me) that revealed so much...for no reason.

My mind is racing, but i haven't come to a conclusion yet.
This is the start of a lot of thinking, a lot of new thoughts.

Date:	2005-05-19 16:30
Subject:	Fuck everything i said today
Security:	Public
Mood:	nauseated
Music:	complete silence

The entire previous post can go to fucking hell.
i dont even know what i'm trying to say.

everything has gone to hell...and instead of looking forward to anything anymore, i feel so afraid of waking up tomorrow...or leaving my room tonight...

i'm afraid of going one minute further than i am right now...i'm afraid.


i can't help anyone ever....i'm so useless...what's wrong with me...

Date:	2005-05-19 09:19
Subject:	I update at school
Security:	Public
Mood:	enthralled
Music:	PASSING TIME...

Wow got some things on my mind, yet not too much to say. It's not that i can't find the words, it's that i don't need them yet.

I was really disappointed when i found out that the dance concert was Friday and not Saturday, cause I chose to go to the banquet Friday instead of Riverwalk.
Buuuuut i found out that they are having matinees. Which is awesome for me, cause i get to miss a boring study hall and my chemistry class (and maybe other classes, i'm not sure) to go watch the dancers.
So I'm glad i'm not missing that.

I'm getting a pedicure today. Those are amazing..a food massage and nice painted nails. Love it.

Tomorrow is the banquet. Thanks sooo much to Whitney for letting me wear that dress. I don't know what i would've done without her.

Beyond that i'm not really sure. Saturday i'll probably just hang out with the usual people...

Date:	2005-05-07 12:52
Subject:	The Last Few Days
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated
Music:	That song that's stuck in my head

I went to sleep wednesday night wondering why I still had a cold.
I woke up at 3 thursday morning with extreme pain and pressure in my ears.
So my mom took me to the doctor. The doctor said I have a sinus infection and an ear infection. He gave me some medicine.
My right ear bleeds when i sleep. Is that normal?

I showed up late to school on Friday...at least i went at all.
Later i went to the brewer game with Cormack, John, and Cameron. That was all fine and dandy until Cormack almost got busted.
Oh, and Brad "only called 7 or 8 times". Does anyone else think that's a bit much?

Hahaha.

I guess that's all. I didnt get my mom anything for mother's day...but she can't get mad if its late because she didnt get me anything for my birthday til a few weeks later...

Wow.

Date:	2005-05-02 09:42
Subject:	I always update at school
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	My CD drive no longer works

I should be writing a play right now. Eh I've been working hard, I can take a break.

My weekend was ok, apart from my being sick.
On Friday, I did nothing and went to bed early because I was sick.
On Saturday, I considered going to gym. I didn't go.
I did go to Battle of the Bands and West Side Story later that night. Chilled with Britta and Brad. It was much better than the other performance I had seen. Later, my mom pissed my brother off and there was a bit of drama.
Then i went to bed, feeling like crap.
On Sunday, I didn't go to church because my mom didn't feel like it. She didn't tell me until I was all ready and it was time to go. Then she slept most of the day cause she was hung over. *eye roll*
I had brad over and we just chilled out cause i was completely spaced out from the Nyquil.
Then we had to pick bernie up from the airport (he's been in Germany for a week)
Although he brought German chocolate, i'm not too excited to have him back.
I drove Brad home later in the snow :(. It's May ...we shouldn't have snow.


And now another week of school. I hope it goes by faster than the last.

I can't wait until summer.

Date:	2005-04-20 19:25
Subject:	You're pushing my buttons.
Security:	Public
Mood:	pensive
Music:	Alkaline Trio- From Here to Infirmary

Take these words and twist them around. Find another reason to throw them back at me and give me that fake sadness. I'm not gonna lie to you this time. I'm sick of only being something to put up with. I'm just a little woman anyway, right? In this world where the mind has become more powerful than those muscles...

I'm wasting too much of my energy on the things i swore would never matter to me. It's time i remember what does.




"You find me offensive. I find you offensive for finding me offensive."



I don't know why i write if i'm only used and never heard. I'd be better of keeping my mouth shut and these hands still. Though very few read this anyway.

Date:	2005-04-19 08:42
Subject:	Track meet at GT
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated
Music:	people make me angry in these halls

Yesterday i went to watch the boys' JV track meet at Germantown.

Nicolet was there...so i saw D pole vaulting against Brad. They both did good.

Ryan Campbell did awesome, too. :)